PARODY SITE. NOT A REAL COMPANY. DO NOT SEND MONEY.

A 100% UNOFFICIAL PARODY OF THE PPF INDUSTRY

WHEN YOUR PAINT
BRINGS ON ITS WORST,
WE BRING ON OUR BEST LOAD.

Jizzy Tek paint protection films are scientifically formulated to help your vehicle maintain its beauty, its integrity, and its dignity. Virtually invisible. Unreasonably glossy. Suspiciously thick.

Amp Up Your Load Take the Gloss Tour
↓
12yrmax warranty*
10milthick and proud
25%thicker*
1real dealer (maybe)

THE LINEUP

GOOD. BETTER.
CLIMAX.

Four films. One philosophy: go thick or go home.

ENTRY

JIZZY C

The Quickie

Our most affordable load. Thin, fast, and honest about what it is. Gets on, gets the job done, gets you back on the road.

  • Thickness8 mil
  • FinishClear gloss
  • Warranty5 yr limited*
  • CommitmentIssues
CORE

JIZZY ULTRA

The Crowd Favorite

The classic Jizzy experience. HydroLoadâ„¢ top coat helps resist stains, helps repel water, and helps your car look wetter than it has any right to.

  • Thickness10 mil
  • FinishGloss + matte
  • Warranty10 yr limited*
  • HealingSelf, with heat
THICK

JIZZY ULTRA THICK

The Heavy Load

Our thickest, hardest film. The highest level of chip resistance we offer. Built for track days, gravel roads, and drivers with something to prove.

  • Thickness12 mil
  • FinishHigh gloss
  • Warranty10 yr limited*
  • SubtletyNone
FLAGSHIP

JIZZY CLIMAX

The Finish

PPF and ceramic coating in a single explosive application. TetraLoadâ„¢ resin technology delivers up to 25% more thickness* than the leading brand. 12-year warranty, because it just keeps going.

  • Thickness12 mil
  • FinishNuclear gloss
  • Warranty12 yr limited*
  • Refractory periodNone

*Certain restrictions apply. See dealer for warranty details. Dealer is one guy and he is very busy. *Leading brand measured immediately after a cold shower.

Close-up of glossy Jizzy Tek paint protection film

THE SCIENCE OF STICK

SCIENTIFICALLY FORMULATED.
PROBABLY.

HydroLoadâ„¢ Technology

Our proprietary top coat helps resist stains and helps water bead up and roll off. The word "helps" is doing a lot of work here, per our legal team.

TetraLoadâ„¢ Resin

An advanced resin matrix engineered for maximum thickness and optical clarity. Intense gloss with no orange peel, and no questions asked.

TruFitâ„¢ Precision Cut

Computer-cut patterns for a precision fit on every panel. Every inch covered. No spot left exposed.

Self-Healing Surface

Light scratches disappear with heat from the engine or the sun. Deeper scratches may require a second application. Emotional scratches require therapy.

INTERACTIVE GLOSS SIMULATOR

SEE THE DIFFERENCE.
FEEL NOTHING.

Drag the slider to compare life with and without Jizzy Tek.

Car with Jizzy Tek film, extremely glossy
Car without Jizzy Tek film, sad and dull
WITHOUT JIZZY WITH JIZZY

Results simulated. Simulation budget: $0.

OWNERSHIP

DOES JIZZY NEED
SPECIAL CARE?

WASH IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT

Hand wash only, with a gentle touch. Use non-abrasive wax 1 to 2 times per year. Treat it right and it will treat you right.

AVOID ROUGH SITUATIONS

Skip automatic car washes, bird migrations, gravel trucks, and jealous exes. Your film is tough, but it has limits.

LET IT BREATHE

Fresh installs need 14 days to fully settle. No washing, no waxing, no showing off at cars and coffee. Okay, a little showing off.

DEALER LOCATOR

FIND A DEALER

Enter your ZIP code and our advanced algorithm will locate your nearest authorized Jizzy Tek installer.

TOTALLY REAL REVIEWS

PEOPLE ARE SAYING
THINGS

"I put Jizzy Ultra on my GT3 and honestly the gloss is obscene. My neighbors have started closing their blinds."

D., definitely a real customer

"The installer said 'this one's extra thick' and winked. I did not ask follow-up questions."

M., exists

"Twelve mils. Twelve. My car has never felt more protected, and I have never felt more judged at cars and coffee."

S., paid in full

FREQUENTLY AVOIDED QUESTIONS

FAQ

No. This is a parody. We are not affiliated with SunTek Films, Eastman Chemical Company, or anyone with a legal department. Lawsuits may be directed to our P.O. box, which does not exist.

Marketing felt "GlossTek" was taken. This tested better with our focus group of one.

That is what she said about our competitor's film.

The warranty says so, with certain restrictions. The restrictions are doing the heavy lifting.

You can, in the same way you can cut your own hair. We recommend a professional with steady hands.

GET IN TOUCH

TALK TO US